name the sensation

In august 2005 I started an email project called 'New Taxonomies'. Every week or so I sent an email to a group, community really, of around 45 people. Most of the recipients I knew personally but some I had never met. Some arrived in the community from their interest in earlier email projects that I'd been involved with, and some are more recent members.

Each email consisted simply of a title of a taxonomy that could be made. I never asked for any reply but during the 18 months or so that the idea ran I received more than 250 responses.

Here are the results of the second project 'Name the Sensation' which followed the same format although with a slightly larger group. Again many thanks to all of you. If you want to play please let me know.



the desire to sleep after an emotionally complex day

exhaustion.
(Hooray! It's begins again). anya 20.4.2007

Sounds like every day I spend with my fantastic five year old when he locks horns into battle and I usually come out worse (and can never work out why)…. It’s hard having to be the grown up all the time, even (especially) when you don’t want to. But I do sleep very well! ruth 20.4.

After the day to desire an emotionally complex sleep mark 20.4

can't put a name to it - disbelief?

Yesterday didn't start well, waking at 5am to be really unwell, mostly down to over work/too many late nights. It got really bad at 12, when the son of my best mate here phoned to tell that his father had died that morning. Shit. it was certainly an emotionally complex day. dave 20.4

this is actually references me and my state at the moment! tania 20.4

its less of a desire and more of a need to just pass out unless your still processing the emotions then its a sore want. and a mass of toss turn wait, toss turn, sigh, wait, toss, oh fuck it i may as well wallpaper a room. marsha 4.7

OK…so if I read you correctly you want a word (words) to tell you how I would describe this sensation…right???
Kitty purr
Let me know if I got it right. rosemary 23.4

exhaustion sonia 24.4

draining and controlling, something pulling you down. eyes heavy and calm breath. knees almost weak as the fold of the blanket call you to them. kate 25.4


The sound of rain falling on a tent

Like an external expression of what’s going on inside of me, like the beating of my heart (who sang that?).
Like the knowledge that you are separate from the world in this space, and yet even closer to the elements.
Like the reminder that, in your world, you are warm and dry, even if you are wet on the outside.

Rx ruth 25.4

summer holidays dave 25.4

is one of the best sounds. ali 25.4

a fall of sound raining on the tent mark 25.4

Wet kisses from a fern. rosemary 25.4

he rolled over and snuggled into her warm neck, the smell of her skin making him dizzy with desire.
the night air starting to humm as though it was alive, he closed his eyes and lost himself in her as the first drops of rain fell on the tent roof. kate 25.4

Distinctly not fun? Wrong? Shit? Hell?
Not after my tent got swept away during "Fear and Loathing" in the Lake District in '92.
Nor tripping in a tent with my very straight sis & boyf during the biblical rain at Glasters '97.
The words tent and rain should not be in the same sentance.
Although hot rain, dancing and nudity are a fab combination.
:D
Jx janie 25.4

dread anya 26.4

comforting louisa 27.4

soothing rhythmic mesmeric, as long as u have remembered to zip up the tent door otherwise your fucked wet marsha 4.7


The particular smell after it rains somewhere hot and dry

Filing my nails rosemary 2.5

After the hot particular and dry somewhere it rains smell mark 4.5

Enduring smells of wet canvas from wet camping weekends as a child (in particular the overwhelming mustiness of re-erecting the tent on the following year’s trip), but always in England, so that doesn’t qualify for hot and dry… ruth 4.5

like the world has refreshed itself and put out the fire that could consume us all , yeah right its more like a relief after needing a piss for so long when u finally let it out its like bl;iss marsha 4.7


The feeling of running out of time

Growing old ruth 8.5

Of time feeling out of the running
The time of running out of feeling mark 8.5

default dave 8.5

PANIC anya 8.5

Several things come to mind….depending on the reason behind the feeling.

On aging……missing my family to the point of chest pain.

On not finishing a blog, a volunteer project……pain in my right eye that is knife-like.

On being late for a dentist appointment….red faced (literally) when I tell the lie “The power was out and I was waiting for Northern Lights.”

Tell Rob and Lorenzo (the blog slackers as of this moment) I said a special hello. I know Rob is working like a fiend and Lorenzo, unless he has blogged this AM, might be in post surgical pain. rosemary 8.5

My...Project...deadline...is...in...two...weeks...why...am...I...just...sat...here...eating...CAKE!!! jess 10.5

ha ha , funny one 2 send to the girl who has absolutely no comprehension of time. the feeling of running out of time is; a blessed mercy marsha 15.5


The sense of a place (that you have never been to) that you get when you think about it

Iraq = angst

Venice = hunger rosemary 14.5

i think about latvia a lot, i think about my grandad who lived there all his life, and who i never met.
i read a story in a teenage magazine about three best friends who lived in an old grey towerblock there. they fell in love with the same boy, and realising they could never ruin their friendship for a boy, they jumped to their deaths. i remember the picture of them lying in their coffins side by side, surrounded by crying friends and relatives. i wonder if my grandad was there,or if he saw it happen.i wonder if he realises the lady he slept with in ireland forty eight years agowas really really lovely, and if he'd have still left if he knew. hayley 15.5

about when you sense a never been the you that you get to place (think it that of have) mark 15.5

is like deja vu-vu, not one vu but 2. marsha 16.5


The feeling you get before going on holiday to a place you’ve never been before with people you don’t really know

Better run for those rose coloured specs and increase the tint proportionally the closer it gets to departure day…. ruth 22.5

Cramping bowels rosemary 22.5

dreadslashexcitement anya 23.5


The type of anxiety you feel when waiting for a text message from someone you care about

Impatient anya 30.5

My daughter just flew back home yesterday….while waiting for her to call to let me know she had landed safely the feeling that I had was of total loss…..the anxiety is like an illness that lingers in my chest for days…not quite a sob but a whimpering cry. rosemary 30.5

agitation or excited anxiety ali 30.5

similar to not knowing if you want a shit or a haircut, m-m-m-m, but limbo is not really in between events, while you are 'waiting' loads of stuff is happening that you don't notice, like a stranger cutting your hair in a queue and you don't notice 'cos you are thinking about the icecream........... hey can you feel the anxiety in this response!!!!!! victoria 2.6


The awareness of being alive

Walking up the biggest mountains in the Lakes, taking off on my paraglider, flying up to cloud base on the thermals and looking over the earth, with a deep sense of my own insignificance and the greatness of life. ruth 5.6

Numbness in my hands that wakes me….I have been given another day. rosemary 5.6
A being of the live awareness mark 5.6

the heartbeat of a little bird in your cupped hands..........a sensation of energy vibration, strong and frail all at once victoria 7.6

prickling anya 12.7


The realisation that a text message has changed your life

Has a text-isation life changed that you're the real message? mark 13.6

sphincter-shock
fckng hll
utter numbness changing to a laser-sharp focus
terrifying
swamped

Yes, it happened to me recently, it was a huge event and my life changed beyond all recognition overnight. Janie
xxx Janie 13.6

A buzzing my chest. rosemary 13.6

butterflies/sickness/dread anya 14.6

a stone thrown into the clear waters of your stomach! a bass vibration in your chest! a falling off the top of a great height in your head! victoria 18.6

jesus this is like the krypton factor without the crap prize, the only text msg that has ever changed my life is the one from orange telling me my mobile number has changed, which is amazing relief from the latest nutter ive let into my life and a calm silence that comes from empowerment marsha 18.6


The longing to be in Spain

strange dave 24.6

Can I change it to Italy????? They are sisters, right? Italy felt like coming home....joy, chills, the wonder of having eyes to see my country....like falling in love, having a grandchild......just joy. rosemary 24.6

kind of like when your mouth waters when you think of a lemon, your feelings melt and liquify longing for spain.............. victoria 24.6

ru in spain at the mo? tania 24.6

in the long pains to being mark 26.6

paella anya 12.7


The inertia of that monday morning feeling

knowing that it's monday, wishing it was friday, having the thought of 'ooh, maybe i'll pack it all in, and leave immediately for barcelona, or anywhere else but here.'
having a cup of tea and feeling sort of ok again. hayley 1.7

its like looking at a menu and reading paella. u knw it wont be quick but so worth waiting for. marsha 4.7

surely my life is more than this? ARGH (this was me after a week's glorious holiday) anya 12.7

A chronic chest cold. rosemary 1,7

petuniasm
noun: a momentary thought akin to "oh no, not again"

petuniate
verb: the act of lying (prone, horozontal), eyes closed, and thinking "oh no.."

derivation uncertain, but possibly late 1970's author, Douglas Adams, describing the effects of the infinite improbabllity generator
(see 'Whale', 'unlikely', 'ground')

especially so, this morning....for the last month we've had a little gril from Belarus staying with us - a relief holiday from the pollution around Chernobyl - and she was off home early this morning. Demanding, but rewarding.... dave 2.7

feels similar to eating too much rice pudding.......... victoria 2.7

That morning inertia of feeling the monday mark 2.7

jesus every morning is monday morning marsha 4.7


The realisation that the things you value the most are only marginally more important than the things you don't value at all

m-m-m-m don't think I've had that realisation yet, feel confused and argumentative reading it!! victoria 9.7

Hitting my head on the microwave frame.

I love and value Steve more than anything…but have given no thought to our retirement financial situation. Which should I value more? rosemary 9.7

I don’t recognise this sensation at all. The things I value are probably worth more than anything I could ever put a price on in my whole life, namely my family and my freedom. These are the only things about which I could truthfully say life would be virtually worthless and valueless without them. Most anything else can be replaced, eventually, and are therefore worth nothing in terms of value although some of them are nice to have. ruth 9.7

Living with ME means every day feels like that. Like wading through treacle, or the mud at Glastonbury with a really bad head cold, every minute of every day.
I've slept on and off through the last week; missed life, the universe and anything that has not been in a 10 foot radius of the bed.
It does get *really* frustrating.
So my word is probably Grrrrrrrrr
From Dan:
THUD! x janie 11.7

cant identify with this sensation , i could never say faye, my daughter, is only marginally more imporant than things i dnt value at all.... maybe im not getting it today, maybe having your child on an at risk register through no fault of your own makes u angry, and smelly, and vulnerable and even more smelly. marsha 11.7

i don't believe this. anya 12.7

don't value
all things

that are you
the things

value you

the most
at the only

the margin

ally more
important

than real
isation mark 12.7


The phenomenon of wanting something and not wanting it at the same time

guilt anya 16.7

If you think about how everything is constantly changing all the time, then you 'hold' onto the 'wanting' and 'not wanting' ideas LESS. They slowly start to merge until they are the same thing. victoria 16.7

I have 50 + handbags. I want a Louie. My bank account says no. I want the handbag, I don’t want the handbag. Maybe someone will give it as a gift. I still want the handbag and am scheming. rosemary 16.5

Simon, Ian, Matt, Dan.... jess 16.7

At the same wanting time
something wanting

the phenomenon
and not of it mark 17.7


The ache from the desire to be away again when you return from a great holiday

This 'ache' is on many levels, the ache to enjoy, to escape, to pretend that 'big' can exist without 'small'. It is an ache to only see one side of the coin, but that ache to 'go away' can only exist by 'returning', and we all know that, and it hurts, but not for long x victoria 25.8

Again desire the ache from away, the return to be you, holiday from a great when_ mark 25.8

When the leaves turn, the color slowly fades but the memory is vivid and all colorful, the feeling is the memory of being carefree. rosemary 26.8

normal... (just got back in) dave 28.8

longing anya 3.9


The feeling you get when you throw away something you’ve had for a long time that you thought was precious, when you realise that you're actually glad to see the back of it

relief anya 3.9

Relief, shock, surprise and freedom, then a kind of vigour and possibly ruthlessness combined with energy and a mind to throw away more things!!!! victoria 4.9

The seeing you get when you realise that something precious you’ve had for a long thought that was you, when you throw away you're time actually glad to feel the back of it mark 4.9

Like crying…actually crying rosemary 6.9

an overwhelming feeling of lightness and satisfaction but yet still a little nervous... kate 7.9


The sadness of knowing you need to escape from the ones you love

'not known at this address'
- seems perfectly normal to me.... dave 11.9

grief anya 11.9

Sometimes Martyn, it isn’t sadness first….it is fact and reality, cold truth. Then the sensation might just be sadness. rosemary 11.9

it makes my teeth tingle kate 12.9

the sadness is in the nature of a 'sigh'....we breathe out and let go. So, we sometimes have to escape from those we love, in order to take the in-breath again. The breath has to keep moving, or else we die. victoria 12.9

And the sheer joy of coming back afterwards… ruth 12.9

The loving to escape from the one of you you know needs sadness mark 28.9


The memory of the colour yellow

big round sun in childhood drawings...noise and dust 'cos of diggers and building...mangoes in the bath...lemons guarded by hornets victoria 18.9

golden summer evenings anya 18.9

At the ocean, under the pier trying to stay out of the sun. Watching my brother who is 3. I can't swim. We are alone; my mother in a motel room with her lover. rosemary 18.9

a bear half-made, two eyes sewn as one, and one leg swinging from the banister. hayley 19.9

primroses and daffodils when I was a child ray 21.9

The yellow colour of the memory mark 28.9


The realisation that someone is telling you a beautiful lie

power (in not letting on, but dropping them right in it) :+) dave 26.9

a sensation of astonishment, maybe admiration for their cheek and inventiveness along with simmering fury..................... victoria 26.9

Hearing the words……seeing their eyes in the telling…..my throat tightens. rosemary 26.9

a dawning sonia 26.9

satisfaction that you have heard a great story... kate 27.9

smugness anya 27.9

Knowing that you know and that they probably know that you know, but the lie remains unchallenged and stunningly deceptive. And you stand there listening, admiring, almost jealous, and, as your hairs rise up on end at the realisation, you start to justify it and wonder why on earth you can’t do it yourself…Before you know it, you have legitimised the lie simply by wondering. ruth 27.9

The lie telling you that someone is a beautiful realisation mark 28.9


The feeling of being in control and wishing that you weren't

oh - that 'wish I'd kept my bloody mouth shut' moment? dave 2.10

Horrible and negative. ali 2.10

well, that can sometimes be a lonely space, so then that aloneness can be frightening. "Its up to you" says a voice in your head and then you are faced with a choice: take the bull by the horns, responsibility!, or slide away, escape, relinquish your 'control', suck your thumb, get pissed, let someone else drive, 'leave me alone!' - hey, and there is the full circle, again, you are alone. So, its a wierd one, but I often feel it. I guess to feel it and do it are very different things, like wanting to leap off a cliff. victoria 3.10

dread anya 4.10

The being in control of wishing and feeling that you weren't mark 6.10


The knowledge that wishing for friday to come round is wishing your life away

well, I guess the knowledge is not a sensation as such, but a kind of awareness in this context, and the awareness that you are not enjoying the present moment as much as you imagine friday will be like, what is that? what is that wanting to be in a different space and time than where you are? could be dissatisfaction, restlessness, excitement, anticipation, many things, but I guess what it is definately NOT, is contentment! victoria 8.10

old enemy dave 8.10

despair anya 8.10

That wishing for knowledge to round your life, come the wishing Friday is away mark 16.10

Feeling useless in between. rosemary 8.10


The beautiful dream that haunts you all day

I don't get haunted by dreams. anya 16.10

The day haunt that dreams you all beautiful mark 16.10

The feel and smell of that first hug when I visit my children rosemary 16.10

the dream i had last night. i dreamed that i had my left arm amputated and then my dads arm sewed on to replace it! how messed up is that!? now for the best bit, i looked it up on the internet this morning and this is what i found...

To dream that your arm has been injured, signifies your inability to care for yourself or your helplessness in reaching out to others. You may have been feeling limited and restricted in terms of your freedom or activities. The right arm signifies your outgoing nature and is associated with masculine energy, while your left arm signifies your supportive or nurturing nature and is associated with feminine qualities. Losing either arm may suggest that you are failing to recognize its respective characteristics.

so maybe you are right!

xx kate 17.10

Waiting for the wind to drop so I can do that 90K flight out to the coast… ruth 17.10

Oh the beautiful dream that haunts me all day is breeze on my face, is a laugh at someone elses road rage, is fascination in a tiny insect and is uplifting and hopeful. victoria 17.10


The memory of the colour blue

Climbing up to the roof with blankets and pillows and watching the sun set in the clear sky and then counting the stars. rosemary 23.10

Colour the memory of 'the' blue mark 24.10

My first kiss, in an electric blue dress. janie 24.10

James' eyes
spotty polish pottery
my new hat anya 26.10

well, the blue I see on reading that is a lovely sky blue, and even on a gloomy day this blue makes me feel free and able to leap up into the air, I feel hope and tingly happy, m-m-m the memory of that colour blue! victoria 26.10


The awareness that you are falling in love with the wrong person

and you would certainly know..... chris 29.10

well I sure know that one!!! this brings opposing sensations to me, ones that say 'yes' and ones that say 'no' and so I guess the overall sensations for me are those of leaping from a cliff, feet peddling in thin air, one part of you convinced you can stay up with the energy of your love and desire and another part of you feels a sickening dread as the ground is rushing up to meet you! victoria 29.10

The wrong awareness that you are in love with the falling person mark 29.10

NO; not again, please! carmen 30.10

Realizing you were over charged for a handbag but you don’t want to go back to the store to correct the mistake. rosemary 30.10

dread anya 31.10


The feeling as you're waking up for the first time in a new country

adventure anya 5.11

In Italy….I’m finally home…cozy, warm, known. rosemary 5.11

....oh shit, where am I? and what's that under my armpit? OMG its a cockroach!!! and now I've leapt out of bed with no pants on...and this is not my room...oh yes, I'm in Outer Mongolia, yes in more ways than one! victoria 6.11

You’re the first up country for time waking as the new in a feeling mark 8.11

name the sensation

sense the namation ( not sure this belongs here .. maybe use in the title when it's all published) mark 8.11

depends on the size of the hangover? but always excitement marsha 19.11


The mix of anxiety and excitement experienced when moving your life from an old computer to your new one


I have to admit I feel no anxiety or excitement at that sentence....instead I imagine it would make me feel..... well I just can't even imagine any feeling, maybe on a par with unloading shopping from the car, a kind of relief, but you know it will be shortlived?.... victoria 11.11

re-birth! anya 12.11

One new to your computer
from an old life

your moving
when experienced

excitement and anx
iety of the mix mark 12.11

PANIC rosemary 13.11

no idea but imagine its same as moving house?????! marsha 19.11


The desire for chocolate

normal, basically. dave 19.11

sickening anya 19.11

Saliva accumulating in my mouth and then walking to the fridge and opening the chocolate sauce bottle and letting it dribble in my mouth. Has Rob disowned you for setting fire to half of London? rosemary 19.11

well, this is an exciting and comforting feeling at the same time, but only if there is chocolate in the cupboard!!! On a deeper level..... a feeling of completing a circle, resting in the pause between things, stalling all that action and enjoying the moment. victoria 21.11


The difference between Berlin and Barcelona, or any other two cities beginning with the letter 'B'

Not sure about differences but the two common factors that all cities (that I have been to) beginning with B seem to share is that they are a) stunning and b) a whole lot of fun – Berlin (esp east), Barcelona, Bologna, Belgrade, Budapest, Bremen, Bucharest, and Bali.

But perhaps not Brussels. Or Beirut. Or Bradford.

Hmm, my argument is falling apart… Rxx ruth 28.11

co-ordinates anya 28.11

Letter the difference
with the two ‘B’ be

tween beginning
any Barcelona

and other
Berlin or cities mark 28.11

a new pair of shoes, a new boyfriend, a summer heatwave and photographs of the sky. hayley 28.11

Bogata is very different to Birmingham rob 29.11

mmmm hard to locate a sensation of the differences here, never been to Berlin or Barce!! Berlin gives me a slick feeling of underground trains and Barce a sensation of buzz victoria 2.12


The feeling of disappointment, having achieved something you’ve worked hard for, of wondering why you wanted it in the first place

That has JUST happened to me.
I worked and worked and pushed and pushed then when I got where I wanted, I wondered why I had put myself in such a tricky predicament, and why I had caused such a fuss and worked so hard to get here.

Now I am deflated because I wonder whether the bed I have made for myself will be the right decision...

Do you know? anya 3.12

The experience? Moving to Idaho. The feeling? I am so very alone and lonely in this damn state. rosemary 3.12

well, I guess the buddhists would call this sensation the suffering of change..... accepting that everything changes all the time, including what we dearly 'want', and so although it starts as an uncomfortable feeling, with acceptance it can grow into a sensation of freedom! victoria 5.12

Having disappointment
of feeling the place first

wanted you in it wondering
for the hard of worked

you've something
'why?' achieved mark 6.12


The sensation of being lost in a foreign city

excitement anya 10.12

have changed my mind. And haven't we already covered this one?

So I have decided on 'Liberation'. anya 10.12

For me, being lost in a foreign city with no particular agenda or schedule is the haven and panacea for the life of madness with two young kids and work, mostly organised like a military operation.

Rxx ruth 10.12

suffocating rosemary 10.12

A being - foreign in the city of lost sensation mark 10.12

a sort of separation of mind and body where fear and anxiety creep up slowly so you feel wierd and disconnected and can't work out how to dispell the spacy alienation victoria 12.12

sublime panic. christine 13.12


The desire for one last drink when you know you should be going home

desperation anya 17.12

the difference between being aloof and desirable as apossed to being a sad hang on kate 17.12

my only night off work this week christine 17.12

The same as wanting to have/touch just one more handbag…….soft, supple, warm, goes down smoothly. rosemary 17.12

the desire to stay escaped victoria 18.12

Drink for home-going
when the one last desire
you know should be you mark 1.1.08


The desire to be sunbathing on Christmas day

At this point, a hot flash would be the welcomed desire.

Today be the Sunchrist bathing on Desiremas mark 11.1

Rosemary 3.1


The taste of Love Hearts and cheese and onion flavour crisps together, that's a little like a Chinese take-away

Chinese five spice? anya 11.1

I see someone lost in the Amazon rain forest, who has been surviving on grubs and bugs and they suddenly discover some crisps and love hearts in one of their pockets . . . it then kind of turns into a cinema ad in my visual head.... chinese music, closed eyes and the person sinks down leaning against a tree trunk, in imaginary heaven, then comes the tacky ad for the local chinese restaurant!! victoria 11.1

Take a Chinese away
and like a little flavour

that crisps together
taste the love cheese
and hearts of onions mark 11.1


The desire for bacon when you have a hang-over

a slice of pig is not what i fancy the morning after! hayley 17.1

I prefer marmite on toast. anya 18.1

proof that vegans are unnatural and should be burnt at the stake until crispy, served up with wholemeal rolls and HP sauce. dave 18.1

although you feel shit its kind of refreshing that you feel your body calling out for what it needs, (ie salt and sugar and vit C) and by the way, you can get the whole noodle in a chinese takeaway! So, yes, we like it when our bodies call out, cos it kind of earths us and gets us back in the here and now eh! victoria 18.1

it's all about sausages christine 21.1

i'm not sure about the desire for bacon when i have a hangover, i just have a desire for bacon full spot... a desire for engish food, bangers and mash, a roast, boiled ham and parsley sauce etc, but i guess this is just homesickness and a large part of home for me is food and friends to eat it with. still, not long now, just under 2 weeks and i'll be back on home turf. its going to be very strange and i'm having seriously mixed feelings about it. I want to come home but i don't want to stay there. rachel 18.1

Hang bacon over a desire, for you have the 'when' mark 5.2


The feeling that lasts all day after a dream where you fall in love with someone you've never met

Like reading the best fiction ever. rosemary 23.1

well I guess you have met them in a dream which is a whole part of our being.... as for the feeling...... I imagine its a golden buzz in the heart centre that kind of makes the 'reality' of waking up from the dream swizzle around into a sense of non-reality?? victoria 24.1

this never happens to me. I have dreams about sex. never about love. christine 24.1

You’ve never a feeling
someone dreams you

after that last day with love
where all the met fall in mark 24.1


The feeling you get when looking at a map of a city you are about to visit for the first time

the feeling of your first date in that city!! kate 31.1

sickness anya 31.1

THIRST ray 31.1

palpitations rosemary 1.2

Of a spiralling bird looking down from the sky. Of a hungry person reading oven instructions on a quick meal. Maybe a careless excitement that ends in folding the map and jumping in the river fully clothed......... victoria 1.2

First feeling the map looking at a time for get

the city of you are when
about to visit a you mark 4.2

How do you feel when you look at one? Do you feel excited? I feel so overwhelmed it actually makes me nervous! laura f 6.2


the urge to get off a very slow train that should have got you home an hour ago

Almost overwhelming. ali 7.2

itchiness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GRRRRRRR I CAN FEEL IT NOW!!!!! LET ME OUTTA HERERERERERE anya 7.2

restless legs or being stuck in a 4 foot snow bank or being rolled on a gurney looking at where you have been instead of where you are going. rosemary 7.2

a sensation of first a dip that you are in a shit place and being subjected to something by something else....then a slow rise of self motivation and empowerment and grabbing the bull by the horns and feelings of 'I don't have to stay here, I can do something else if I choose'... its what we all do with that urge? Sit with it? Act on it? Sitting is good, the urge then passes and we still feel free.
victoria 10.2

A very slow home urge you should have to train off the get that got an hour ago mark 2.3


the mixed feeling of wanting and not wanting a Valentine card

Valillation dave 14.2

irritation anya 14.2

Forget a card....I want a gift! I'm pissed. I'll buy my own. rosemary rosemary 14.2

Hey, I kind of had that one..... didn't want it because it was the commercial in your face thing, but a true love token is something none of us would shun I guess, so its not the 'I don't know if I want a shit or a haircut' one, its more 'what do I really mean to those that I love? Do I mean anything? How do I show I love them? Is love enough as a feeling or must we transmit it? etc etc etc x x x x x victoria 16.2

A wanting card feeling the Valentine mixed of wanting and not mark 2.3


the feeling of extraordinary sadness that accompanies reflection on the recent history of Berlin

bit puzzled by the word 'recent'............ mmmm time..... do good present events erase past bad events, no. But how often people say, I had such a great day and now this has spoiled it! The present cannot change the past, it can only compare, and then of course there are the theories that there is actually no past, present, or future and that they all exist at the same time along with parallel universes. Where does Berlin fit into all that? I have mixed feelings about Berlin, not all of extraordinary sadness, but I have never been there and am crap at history, so I can't come from a personal knowledge base but only from a universal knowledge base, and also a feeling base. victoria 27.2


The loss of a friend rosemary 28.2

The reflection of extraordinary Berlin on feeling history accompanies that sadness of the recent mark 3.3


the difference between eating indoors and eating outdoors

Eating out
the differences in

eating between
door and doors mark 5.3

A mosquito bite. rosemary 5.3

seasonal anya 6.3

well, one difference for me is.........outdoors I look about and notice beautiful things, I eat slower and am aware of how I am feeling. Indoors I am more in my thinking head, unless I am eating at a friend's house of course, so indoors I start thinking about what I need to do. I guess the 'being' state is more real than the 'doing' state! x x x victoria 7.3


The expectation of a phone call that never seems to arrive

A deep itch/pain that can’t be reached. rosemary 13.3
Arrive to phone expectation that seems the call of a never mark 13.3

longing anya 13.3

Like starring into a fast flowing river and there is something under the surface, caught on some river weed, it looks like its flowing along and although its moving and swishing it never moves forward......... victoria 14.3

is frustrating and incredibly distracting depending on who it is from. ali 16.3


The feeling of always wanting to be the last person to leave a party

Oh shit, I think I am always the last one to leave the party!! Without wanting to be 'that person'!! victoria 7.4

Enjoying myself too much and not being able to see myself the way others do… Rxxx ruth 7.4

UMM, it would be quite the opposite for me…..always wanting to be the first person leaving. Parties are anxiety producing…I feel inadequate for some reason at parties….dressed wrong, hair messy, poor conversationalist. You know, the Wallflower complex from teen age years. rosemary 7.4


The feeling of being always the last person to go to bed.

Beso de buenas noches. carmen 8.4


The frustration when you can't remember the details of an experience that fills you with the desire to have a better memory

It is an actual realization of my chronological age versus the mental age I feel. rosemary 14.4

itchy anya 16.4

The better desire of a frustration experience
when details remember memory
can the ant you, with the you that fills, have to? mark 28.4


The sensation of being a tourist in your own country

freedom anya 21.4

I can’t give just a few word response; this is a big “sensation” for me. We moved to Idaho full time in 1998. We had a building with an apartment that we stayed in prior to the move…we visited as often as we could and the thought was we would retire here. We moved much earlier than the retirement age. We moved from California…full time jobs, freeways with endless traffic, stress, pressure, on call and beepers to laid back, country, forests and almost no friends. I still feel like a foreigner. I don’t garden, I like going to the movies (only one theater in town) and shopping (the nearest mall is 103 miles away). I don’t fit here….like wearing a pair of pants that are 2 sizes too small. rosemary 21.4

Ha Ha! Well, from the view point of being a tourist in our temporary body, the feeling of being a tourist in one's 'own' country is rather a milder form of that! Both feel kind of alienating at first, but with familiarisation the feelings become comforting, hard to believe, but the 'stick with it, you don't have to do anything about it' technique does work here.................. victoria 22.4

A country being the tourist of in your own sensation mark 28.4


The smell that is a mixture of flowers and sewage in a city in Asia

m-m-m-m-m full of nostalgia and feelings like 'now I am really home' and how come I didn't miss this smell before? victoria 28.4

unknown anya 28.4

Flowers of sewage
Asia in a smell

a city-mixture
that is in

‘the’ & ‘a’ mark 28.4

every one of the sensations you send, jog memories and make me smile. either its a smile of happiness or a smile of recognition, i love them x thankyou rachel 29.4


The sound of your eyes closing

Hi Marty,

Sometimes I hear my eyes closing before they do; as the lids get heavier, my view of the world outside becomes blurred and smaller, sounds become muted and my eyes close with a final clunk.

Sometines I long to hear that sound, as I lie in bed utterly exhausted and in pain, but too tired to sleep, too far gone.
Then there is no sound, but the room is pregnant waiting for it;
Like when you feel a sneeze coming on, which never arrives.

Sometimes my eyelids flutter, like moth wings, as I fret about life.
Sometimes I can hear my eyeballs moving on the back of my eyelids, as I search for things I cannot find.

Sometimes I hear red.

Jx 6.5

raw anya 6.5

The sound of a smile.......its a favourite x rachel 6.5

The eyes of your closing sound mark 14.5

A deep sigh of relief. Actually opening them is pretty fabulous most days too. rosemary 7.5


The resonance of spring

Opening a gift wrapped in flowered paper…..crinkly, whooshing, soft, sweet. rosemary 12.5

an overwhelming feeling of "thank god for that" dave 13.5

itching anya 13.5

The spring of resonance mark 14.5

The sound of your eyes closing
amongst shards of broken glass
dumbs me, flips time tumbling
into rivers that burst and weep. victoria 15.5


The sensation of going to sleep in someone else's bed

Very appropriate, Martyn....we are in California visiting the kids.
The bed feels like it is stuffed with potatoes.....lumpy......and while Steve is next to me it feel lonely in that bed. rosemary 20.5

freedom anya 21.5

To the bed of going in someone else’s sleep sensation mark 11,6


The sensation of falling backwards into dark water

emptiness anya 29.5

Drowning….I can’t swim….I have felt that drowning sensation twice in my life. rosemary 29.5

the sensation of falling backwards into dark water....possibly into deep sleep, possibly into the subtlest state of mind, but if fear is there the senses may take over and stop the wonders at the base of the ocean from being seen.... victoria 30.5

The dark backwards water of falling into sensation mark 11.6


The echo of love when looking into the eyes of someone you've just met

i like that one kate 6.6

disbelief anya 6.6

Like dropping a shiny coin into a wishing well.... victoria 6.6

How apt, this happened to me 2 days ago x rachel 6.6

Sadness at realizing how damn old I am. rosemary 6.6

Of when you've just the met echo of someone looking the love into eyes mark 11.6


The sensation of noticing that somethng's missing

complete and utter horror - (when i realised i had the wrong rifle)

p.s i'm serving in Iraq at the moment- hence rifles!!! lolly 11.6

The missing sensation of something's noticing that mark 11.6

'i' anya 12.6

like a dip in the stomach but you are not going over one of those hump-backed bridges...... victoria 12.6

Losing my mind rosemary 15.6


The realisation that the beautiful dress makes you look stupid


The stupid beautiful look that makes the realisation dress you mark 17.6

disappointment anya 18.6

a sudden, horrible, understanding that I really wasn't a transvestite. dave 18.6

yeah, what is that about?! the dress, yes, so beautiful. hung on the wall its a garment of many possibilities, its like pandoras box unopened. on you, in the mirror,reduced to clownish proportions. oh the cruelty of fashion. the cruelty of reality. "the beautiful dress that makes you look stupid" i love it! great title for a book.... marsha 19.6

That´s a very good one. The whole world bounded in a dress.
Beso. carmen 22.6


The anxiety you feel when you lose a 'to do' list

indigestion anya 24.6

is less anxiety and more extreme panic. ali 24.6

You do to anxiety a list feel when you lose ‘the’ mark 28.6

must rememer to list my lost lists so i can re-list my "to dos" marsha 4.7


The memory of your first love

fuck off, I'm not falling for that. I thought that you had gone away? dave 2.7

Funny you should mention first loves - I saw mine the other day and they never quite live up to the memory do they? Although the memories are good! varosha 2.7

Love your memory of the first mark 2.7

well, I had a code number 27000 for him... and the first flowers he gave me were those pink hedgerow ones which always remind me of him still... kissing in the printing works with a strong smell of ink and black coffee... wow! all so vivid, even now 35 yrs later!! x victoria 2.7

skipping happily around Plasnewydd off Arran Street in Roath. anya 3.7

innocent rosemary 4.7


The sound of bees with the sun on your back

fear. sheer unadulterated fear.
stung to death and skin cancer, rolled into one. dave 10.7

itchy anya 10.7

Goosebumps, chain saw…….I’m allergic!!!! rosemary 11.7

The sound of the sun with bees on your back mark 11.7


The realisation that you're not interested in the thing that you thought you were interested in

Interested in
the realisation

that you’re not
interested in

the thing
that thought

you were you mark 15.7

relief anya 16.7

The feeling of money circling the drain. rosemary 16.7


The feeling of expecting a new sensation

anxiety anya 9.9

Depends on the new sensation……anticipation in my chest or sadness in the same place…..kind of around my heart. rosemary 9.9

tingling margaret 10.9

A new sensation of expecting the feeling mark 30.9


The sensation of never wanting it to end

desperation anya 15.9

Oh Martyn….because of my age and certain recent events….this is a sad sensation……thinking of not seeing my little Spencer grow up….leaving Steve alone in Idaho or him leaving me….just a sad, lonely sensation of not being around, fulfilled, finishing a journey.
rosemary 15.9

Wierdly even babies know this is not possible, but we all still cry our lungs out in the vain hope eh!!! victoria 24.9

The end-it sensation of never wanting to mark 30.9


The feeling of wanting to be in two places at once

stomach wrenching anya 25.9

Anxiety leaving my home to fly to California, sadness leaving my family to fly home to Idaho. rosemary 25.9

At the once feeling
two places to be
of wanting in mark 30.9


The peaceful feeling after 2 and a half pints of 4% lager

carefree anya 9.10

I don’t drink, Martyn….but given the current economy and the state of our retirement accounts, I may start. rosemary 9.10

Pints feeling
half peaceful –

lager and the
2 after of a 4% mark 11.10

Ha ha, haven't had that feeling for so long!! Makes me think of years back, I don't know why, drinking cans in the back of a van all heaped in like dogs and heading up the M1 destination somewhere in Yorkshire!!! victoria 16.10


The feeling that you're not getting any older

I don't have trhat feeling anymore alan 22.10

cheating anya 22.10

Any older you feeling that the not're getting mark 22.10

Really? Not happening. rosemary 22.10

Hi my Peter (Pan),

how are you?

Nice to receive /name the sensations/. A good sensation.

Love
Carmen 23.10

Well, its wierd, sometimes its like your body and mind age in different ways. Sometimes getting older makes the mind want to fly and the body wants to cosy down.....maybe the secret is getting the slower of the two to play catch up with the other one! victoria 23.10


The acceptance of the fact that you're completely lost

breakfast dave 29.10

A deep sigh and an almost blurring of vision…..every day when I walk in the forest….with a compass. rosemary 29.10

... the lost fact of the acceptance that you’re completely
the lost fact of the acceptance that you’re completely ... mark 29.10

freedom anya 29.10

My 36th birthday.
xxxx janie 30.10

Liberating. Fighting the feeling of being lost a different matter, but acceptance, well, wow, fab and free. victoria 30.10


The difference between a real memory and the memory of a dream

disappointment anya 10.11

A dream of the memory difference between the real and a memory mark 10.11

A blurry line in the middle of the road and I rub my eyes to make “it” clearer. Which is the real memory? rosemary 10.11

well, when you are dreaming, that is real at that moment in time, so I guess when you are in a dream state then the waking state is 'unreal', but I think I have no memories of the waking state whilst dreaming, but the other way round I do and these are a mixture of vivid and vague, rather like remembering childhood. I really wish that one day I will be in a dream state and have a memory from being 'awake' - that would be really amazing!! victoria 11.11


The expectation of regret

nervousness anya 17.11

The moment I click order. rosemary 19.11

Expectation of the regret mark 29.11


The difference between who you are now and who you were this time last year

Older, greyer, missing my children 365 times more, more frugal, a little wiser, certainly less money in the bank. rosemary 1.12

Then I was excited about the MA anya 2.12

So much clearer and more excited about the future, and thinking for once that I have finally made the right choice and got my priorities sorted…the trick is now to ensure that this is still the case this time next year! ruth 2.12

Well, I ask this question, will that difference be the same as me now and me next year? Ha Ha x victoria 4.12


The fear of Christmas

Very seasonal! I guess its probably a mix of a fear of 'failure' and a fear of past memories surfacing for those who have horrid associations, and for me? I am not fearful but I definately have an urge to avoid my canoe heading downriver towards the big 'happy' waterfall!!! victoria 8.12

Like I am pooping 20 dollar bills every day. rosemary 8.12

it's more boredom anya 8.12

LOL, i never fear Christmas, its my favourite time of year! i swear i'm about 2 inside! rachel 9.12

poverty christine 10.12


The dull and resigned feeling, when you open a present and it's, yet again, something you don't want or need

....and how the dullness lifts as you realise you can give it to someone you have forgotton to buy a present for! Pass it on eh, move on, walk through that mud, yay, its Christmas!! victoria 16.12

Well, Martyn…..new rules for the 2008 holidays in our family. No gifts for the 2 old folks. Got pictures of the kids? Send those so I can frame and display them. Every single one of our children is in financial distress of some kind….so are we. So, finally we might get to the true meaning of Christmas that for me is love, family and sticking together in tough times. The grandchildren each got something to wear so Gigi maintains her reputation, and then we got a $50.00 gift card for each of them. For our grown children we got a special ornament with a space for a personal message that Steve and I wrote….and it plays a song when opened. I hope this financial mess teaches each of our children a lesson in being a bit more frugal and to start saving right now for retirement. Sorry for the long answer. rosemary 16.12